我所在的街道夜晚嘈杂，可白天几乎听不到人的声音。

　　这里是娱乐街，这里是夜的世界。在娱乐街，很多人没有该有的东西——牙齿、睡眠或是梦想，在娱乐街，随身携带装有两百万日元信封的女人多得数不清，和说要去死的女人数量大致相当。我从十七岁离开家，以处女之身就职于酒吧，从此，喝酒就成了我的工作，每天有一半时间我都在模糊的记忆中度过，另一半时间在几乎消失的记忆中度过。这么多年来，我周围总有朋友想证明自己与其他人并非处于相同的立场。至于她们究竟想向谁证明，是个谜，也许是想向自己证明吧。然而，不幸的是我们全都处在同样的立场上，没有一毫米的距离。世界上有价值高的人，也有价值低的人，而我们这些聚集在这里的人完全一样，也许比世界上的其他人更低。

　　今年夏天，我失去了两位朋友。其中一个人已经在五年前结了婚、生了孩子，可她却和一个男人跑了，失去了联系。她是我中学时的同班同学，她坚持不懈地与当时只顾着和娱乐街的人厮混的我保持联系。我们断断续续地联系着，然而，当有一天她不再回复信息，过了一段时间我甚至无法给她发送信息的时候，我接到了她丈夫的电话，这才得知常常莫名其妙晚归的她终于在某一天没再回家。他问我她去了哪里，可我也不知道。另一个人则从大阪的出租公寓里一跃而下，离开了这个世界。我在葬礼上确认了她的尸体，因此至少我知道她去了哪里。

　　也许是因为在夏天失去了太多，我欣然地接受了多年未联系的母亲深秋之前想搬来我家的请求。母亲胃里的病灶终于到了难以维持生命的地步，她似乎在寻找一个死亡之地。此刻，陪妈妈一起等待死亡之际，向来沉默的我突然想要问问她：“为什么我没有父亲？”“为什么无论我吸烟或是喝酒你都不生气？”“你知道我在这条街上做什么工作吗？”“我撒的谎你知道了吗？”“为什么没打过我也没抛弃我的你却烧伤了我的皮肤？”

　　还有“你庆幸生下我吗？”

　　作者简介

　　铃木凉美Ryomi Suzuki

　　1983年生于日本东京。畅销书作家、社会学学者、前成人电影女演员。

　　出生于高知家庭的铃木从小就浸润在文学艺术之中，本科就读于庆应义塾大学环境情报学专业，硕士毕业于东京大学学际情报学府。大学期间出人意料地投身于“夜生活世界”，做过夜总会女招待、AV女演员等工作。2009年成为日本经济新闻社的记者，

　　2014年她从公司离职，作为职业作家出道。

　　她剥落了此前的旁观者姿态，开始以第一人称写下自己与其他夜生活女性的生活。首部小说《资优》即入围日本文学至高荣誉芥川龙之介奖，后凭借第二部小说《不优雅》再次入围芥川奖，创造历史。

　　其他代表作还包括和上野千鹤子合著的《始于极限》。

　　连子心

　　日语翻译硕士，文学硕士，文学博士在读。译作包括东野圭吾《秘密》、乙一《夏天、烟火和我的尸体》、川上未映子《天堂》、铃木凉美《资优》等

My street is noisy at night, but hardly anyone can be heard during the day.

This is Entertainment Street. This is the world of night. On Entertainment Street, where many people don't have what they need - teeth, sleep or dreams, the number of women carrying envelopes with two million yen in them is about the same as the number who say they want to die. I left home at seventeen to work in a bar as a virgin, and since then drinking has been my job, and I spend half the day in a vague memory and the other half in a nearly vanished memory. Over the years, I've always had friends who wanted to prove that they weren't on the same page as everyone else. To whom they were trying to prove it was a mystery, perhaps to themselves. However, unfortunately we are all in the same position, not a millimetre apart. There are people of high value and people of low value in the world, and those of us gathered here are exactly the same, perhaps less than the rest of the world.

I lost two friends this summer. One of them got married five years ago and had a baby, but she ran off with a man and lost touch. She was a classmate of mine in middle school, and she persevered in keeping in touch with me, who was all about hanging out with people on the entertainment street. We kept in touch on and off, however, when one day she stopped replying to messages, and after a while I couldn't even text her, I got a call from her husband to find out that she had finally stopped coming home one day after coming home inexplicably late. He asked me where she had gone, but I didn't know. Another jumped out of his rental apartment in Osaka and left the world. I identified her body at the funeral, so at least I know where she went.

Perhaps because I had lost so much over the summer, I readily accepted the request of my mother, whom I had not heard from in years, to move in with me by late fall. The lesions in my mother's stomach had finally reached the point where she was unable to sustain life, and she seemed to be looking for a place to die. Now, as I waited with my mother to die, I suddenly wanted to ask her, "Why don't I have a father?" "Why don't you get mad at me whether I smoke or drink?" "Do you know what I do on this street?" "Do you know the lie I told?" "Why did you burn my skin when you never hit me or abandoned me?"

And "Are you glad you had me?"

About the author

Ryomi Suzuki

Born in 1983 in Tokyo, Japan. Best-selling author, sociology scholar, and former adult film actress.

Born in a Kochi family, Suzuki was immersed in literature and art from an early age. He studied environmental information science at Keio University for an undergraduate degree and obtained a master's degree at the International Information Institute of Tokyo University. During college, he unexpectedly devoted himself to the "nightlife world", working as a sleepover hostess and an AV actress. In 2009, he became a reporter for the Nikkei News agency.

She left the company in 2014 to start her career as a professional writer.

She shed her previous position as a bystander and began writing in the first person about her life with other nightlife women. The first novel "Gifted" was shortlisted for the Akutagawa Ryunosuke Award, the highest honor in Japanese literature, and later made history by being shortlisted again for the Akutagawa Award with his second novel "Inelegant".

Other notable works include Beginning at the Limit, co-written with Chizuko Ueno.

coelonium

Master of Japanese Translation, Master of Arts, Doctor of Arts. His translations include "The Secret" by Higashino Keigo, "Summer, Fireworks and My Corpse" by Oichi, "Heaven" by Mieko Kawakami, and "Talented" by Ryomi Suzuki