内容简介

　　“取悦症”是一种强迫的甚至成瘾的行为模式——对他人的认可上瘾。取悦者会努力想让除了自己以外的每个人都满意，甚至牺牲自己的健康和快乐来取悦别人。但与人为善的结果可能会让别人利用你。

　　为了始终保持好人形象，你尽力不表现出愤怒和不悦，不管这样的情感表露多么正当，而且，你会避免批评别人，以免被别人批评。心理学家把这叫作“冲突避免”，你会把对抗和愤怒看作危险的情感体验。

　　取悦症的三种类型：

　　认知型“好人”

　　驱使你取悦于人的动力是这种思维定式：你需要并且争取让每一个人都喜欢你。而你衡量自尊和定义自我的依据，就是你为他们做了多少。如果你是一个认知型“好人”，那么你就会陷入沉重的自我亏待心态中。

　　习惯型“好人”

　　如果你是一个习惯型“好人”，那么你就会被迫牺牲自己的需求而照顾他人的需求。你会为他人做得太多，几乎从来不说“不”，很少给他人派活儿，并且会变得无力招架、疲于应付。

　　情感逃避型“好人”

　　对这一类型来说，取悦症主要是因逃避令人害怕和不安的情感而导致的。

　　想知道自己是不是有“好人情结”？属于哪种取悦症类型？请翻到本书第2页，直接开始测试

　　“我已经为别人做了一切，但是没有人给我回报。”

　　“我对每个人都那么好，可他们把那看成是理所当然的。”

　　你是众人眼里的大好人吗？

　　你的“好人情结”有多严重？“好人指数”有多高？

　　是否无论你现在有多忙，只要有人提出请求、邀请，不管这会给自己带来多少麻烦、不快和高昂代价，仍会毫无原则地照单全收？

　　太多超出自己能力范围的任务令你应接不暇，感到分身乏术？

　　所有这些令别人满意的付出，却并未让你自己真正感到幸福快乐？

　　如果答案是“Yes”，你该读一读这本书。

　　作者简介

　　哈丽雅特·布莱克

　　有逾25年的执业临床心理医生和管理顾问经验。她创作了许多畅销的心理自助类书籍，包括纽约《时代》杂志的畅销书《取悦症：不懂拒绝的老好人》和《谁在操纵你》等。

Content introduction

Pleasing is a compulsive and even addictive behavior pattern - an addiction to the approval of others. Pleasers strive to please everyone but themselves, even sacrificing their own health and happiness to please others. But being nice to others can result in others taking advantage of you.

In order to remain a good person at all times, you try not to show anger or displeasure, no matter how justified, and you avoid criticizing others for fear of being criticized by others. Psychologists call this "conflict avoidance," and you see confrontation and anger as dangerous emotional experiences.

There are three types of pleasantries:

Cognitive 'nice guys'

What drives you to please people is the mindset that you need and strive to make everyone like you. And the way you measure your self-esteem and define yourself is by how much you do for them. If you are a cognitively "good person," then you are stuck in a heavy self-blaming mentality.

Good people by habit

If you are a "good person" by habit, then you are forced to take care of the needs of others at the expense of your own. You will do too much for others, almost never say "no," rarely give work to others, and become overwhelmed and overwhelmed.

The emotionally avoidant 'nice guy'

For this type, pleasanter syndrome is mainly caused by avoidance of frightening and disturbing emotions.

Want to know if you have a "nice guy complex"? Which type of pleasanter is it? Please turn to page 2 of the book and start the test directly

"I have done everything for others, but no one has given me anything in return."

"I was so nice to everyone, and they took it for granted."

Are you one of the good guys everyone thinks you are?

How bad is your "nice guy complex"? How high is the Nice Guy Index?

No matter how busy you are right now, whenever someone makes a request or invitation, no matter how much trouble, discomfort and high cost it will cause you, you will still accept it without principle?

Feeling overwhelmed and overwhelmed by too many tasks that are beyond your ability?

All this giving that satisfies others, but doesn't make you truly happy?

If the answer is "Yes," you should read this book.

About the author

Harriet Black

He has over 25 years of experience as a licensed clinical psychologist and management consultant. She is the author of many best-selling self-help books, including the New York Times bestsellers "The Pleaser: The Nice Guy Who Can't Say No" and "Who's Manipulating You?"