内容简介

　　为什么，我们过不上自己想要的生活？

　　你是否有以下困扰？

　　怕被评价：怕说出自己的观点、梦想会被嘲笑；

　　过度预想：想了一下可能遇到的困难就退缩了；

　　行为懒惰：道理你都懂，但就是无法付诸实践……

　　伪装成长：一直努力、追求完美，一放松就有负罪感……

　　我们总是被很多的目标、很多的观点、很多的榜样围绕着，当我们被一次次的失败打击时，我们也曾一次次后悔——为什么不能选择勇敢地做自己？为什么我们没能发挥自己的优势和潜力？为什么我只敢听命于外部的声音？

　　别紧张，大多数情况下，人们对自己的要求，比自己想象的高的多。而这些念头则会化作一条无形的绳索，紧紧束缚住自己。外面的声音越多，越嘈杂，我们的内心就会越慌乱，念头之绳也会将我们越缠越紧。

　　为什么我们不肯放过自己，让自己更轻松地活呢？

　　作者表示，如果我们做某件事只是单纯为了顺应人心、遵从世俗，那么我们必然无法自如地实现个人的发展、创造自我的价值。

　　无论如何，最重要的是要学会赞赏，用欣赏的眼光看待人和物，以敢于探索的心态融入社会，找回我们天性中的积极、热情、好奇与创造力，方能拥有更有意义的生命。

　　关于心态，他说：“‘积极思维’在成为潮流的同时，也带来了潜意识的情感压抑。”

　　关于安全感，他说：“不要忘记，“控制”意味着确定和安全感，这是人们获得安全感的基础。”

　　关于成功，他说：“对美好生活难以企及的标准滋生出的压力，悄无声息地在人们的思想中蔓延，最终扼杀人们的自我表达能力与质疑精神。”

　　关于创造力，他说：“不要渴望也不要试图去提前了解最终的结局，不要把想法分为三六九等。”

　　本书将帮助我们认清内部和外部的障碍，看到妨碍我们前进的阻力，帮我们寻找一种新的可能性，以一种新的方式去生活、去爱、去创造。

　　放过自己，允许一切发生，不比较，方能轻松而坚定地活！祝大家都能拥有自由、有爱的生命。

　　作者简介

　　[法]萨维里奥·托马塞拉，（Saverio Bornancin-Tomasellashi）

　　精神分析学家和作家，法国籍瑞士人。1966年2月14日出生于法国圣克劳德（位于巴黎附近），父母均为大学自然科学专业副教授。

　　他共获得两个博士学位：2002年在纳丁·杜尔努瓦（Nadine Tournois）的指导下获得法国尼斯大学经营管理学博士学位（市场营销和公关方向）；2016年在塞尔日·蒂斯隆（Serge Tisseron）的指导下获得巴黎大学临床心理学博士学位（精神病理学和精分析方向），每次论文都得到评审团的一致赞誉，并被授予特别荣誉奖。

　　他撰写的多篇文章和多部图书被翻译成多种语言。2012年，其著作《创伤后重生》（Renaître après un traumatisme）荣获“尼古拉斯·亚伯拉罕和玛丽亚·托罗克奖”（Nicolas Abraham et Maria Torok）。2018年，其著作《改变我们的友谊》（Ces amitiés qui nous transforment）获得“心理学杂志提名奖”。

　　他先后创建了精神分析研究中心（2008年），敏感性观察研究所（2016年），并将每年的1月13日设定为“世界敏感日”（2019年起）。

Content introduction

Why? We can't live the life we want?

Do you have any of the following problems?

Fear of being evaluated: fear of being laughed at for speaking out your views and dreams;

Overanticipation: retreat from thinking about possible difficulties;

Lazy behavior: You know the truth, but you just can't put it into practice...

Pretending to grow up: always working hard, pursuing perfection, feeling guilty when you relax...

We are always surrounded by a lot of goals, a lot of opinions, a lot of examples, and when we are hit by failure again and again, we have regrets - why can't we choose to be brave and be ourselves? Why are we not living up to our strengths and potential? Why do I dare to listen only to outside voices?

Relax. Most of the time, people ask more of themselves than they think. And these thoughts will become an invisible rope, tightly bound themselves. The more and noisier the noise outside, the more confused we will be inside, and the rope of thought will bind us tighter and tighter.

Why don't we just let ourselves go and make life easier for ourselves?

The author said that if we do something simply to conform to the people's heart and conform to the world, then we must not be able to freely achieve personal development and create self-value.

In any case, the most important thing is to learn to appreciate, to look at people and things with appreciation, to integrate into society with the mentality of daring to explore, to find our natural positive, enthusiasm, curiosity and creativity, in order to have a more meaningful life.

Regarding mentality, he said: "While 'positive thinking' has become a trend, it has also brought subconscious emotional repression."

On feeling safe, he said: "Don't forget that 'control' means certainty and security, which is the basis for people to feel safe."

Of success, he said, "The pressure of an unattainable standard of the good life creats silently in people's minds and eventually stifles their capacity for self-expression and questioning."

On creativity, he says, "Don't crave or try to know the end game in advance, and don't categorize ideas."

This book will help us identify internal and external barriers, see the obstacles that hold us back, and help us find a new possibility, a new way to live, love, and create.

Let yourself go, allow everything to happen, do not compare, can live easily and firmly! May you all have a free and loving life.

About the author

[Fa] Saverio Tomasella, (Saverio Bornancin-Tomasellashi)

Psychoanalyst and writer, French-Swiss. Born February 14, 1966, in Saint-Cloud, France (near Paris), to parents who were associate professors of natural sciences at the university.

He holds two doctorates: a PhD in Business Management (Marketing and Public Relations) from the University of Nice, France in 2002 under the direction of Nadine Tournois; In 2016, he received his PhD in Clinical Psychology (direction of Psychopathology and Fine Analysis) from the University of Paris under the direction of Serge Tisseron, and each paper received unanimous praise from the jury and was awarded a special honorary award.

Many of his articles and books have been translated into many languages. In 2012, his book Renaitre apres un traumatisme (" Rebirth After Trauma ") was awarded the Nicolas Abraham et Maria Torok Prize. In 2018, his book "Ces amities qui nous transforment" (Changing Our Friendships) won the "Psychology Journal Nomination Award".

He founded the Center for Psychoanalytic Research (2008), the Institute for Sensitivity Observation (2016), and has designated January 13 as World Sensitivity Day (since 2019).